I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
