Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize