Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So here I am, sexting at work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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