I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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