The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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