you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
