I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
