Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
