I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I know her cup size but not her name....
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