Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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