Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
