The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
