i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have feelings that need drinking.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
