Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
