I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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