just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
