I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
