so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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