Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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