this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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