"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
