I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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