Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
