They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
