I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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