he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
