guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
