i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize