Just fell off a train. Bad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
