either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize