yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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