It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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