So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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