So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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