a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
