He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
