he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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