Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
