; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
