Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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