I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
