i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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