This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
