I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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