barbara walters just said penis...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
