i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize