I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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