I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
