She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
