I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
