the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
