Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
