he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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