I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
