I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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