shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
