Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
