I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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