I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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