I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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