i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
