They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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