He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
