I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
