the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
