How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
